I can't sleep.
For probably the hundredth time just this week, I'm consumed with a bout of self-loathing. There are so many things about my life that I could have handled ... I could be handing so much more successfully.
For probably the millionth time in the past decade, I am suddenly filled with motivation. "I'm going to fix myself!" The question is, what will make this time different from all the other times? The fact is, such waves of motivation are fleeting. Like so many other late, sleepless nights, I will come up with a plan tonight to fix everything. It will be flawless; if I just do all six-thousand, three-hundred twenty-eight of these things, my life will be perfect in short order.
For the first time in my life, I made myself slow down. Waves of personal-reinvention are, at least for me, always doomed to quick failure, and I've finally figured out that I'm doing it all wrong.
If I want to create lasting change in my life, I need to start small and keep it simple.
So that's exactly what I'm going to do.
In order to keep up the pace, I thought about keeping a journal or log of all of my changes. After further consideration, I decided I would keep a blog instead. I can't be the only person suffering from these things that keep me unhappy: weight, career, money, home life... these are all common complaints. So I decided to put this out for the world to see, hoping maybe one of my little changes will help someone else on their own quest for peace.
Besides, something about putting this online makes it more real of a commitment, to me. If I don't keep up with my promises, I'm not only lying to myself, but to all of you, as well.
All, er... zero of you. Well, every blog has to start somewhere, right?
Tomorrow, I will select my first little change and get started.
Movies in My Life Lately #1
16 years ago
4 comments:
thank you random girl you're very nice!
I've been having trouble sleeping for the past month or so. Honestly, I've never really slept very well. But in that time, there was one night where I had a moment. In that moment, I also decided to make a small change that would lead to bigger changes. Honestly, it was one of the most difficult things that I've ever done even if it was small. I really thought that when I woke up the next day that I wouldn't be able to do it. But, after much inner debate, I was able to do it. I must say that it has made me a happier person. So... go for it.
Motivation is a strong concept. But by using something as simple as an online journal to start your change to improve life, you are taking the right steps. Also, it helps if you have some encouragement along the way. Consider me an avid reader!
jeane, wesley, and jason...
When I woke up this morning and checked my email, I knew I'd made the right choice. Waiting for me today was a little slice of motivation. I hope the three of you know you made the difference between this being some random "thing" for me that just fades from my mind, and it being a real commitment. Your support, even just with a few words in the comments section, has been invaluable. I look forward to updating tonight.
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